From the early on to the present, I have run across people that could have easily shattered my self confidence if I had let them. Junior high kids are the worst. There were many times when I was the butt of their jokes. When I was in high school, I had to ride the bus to and from school. In our small town the high school, junior high, and elementary kids all rode the same bus to a particular part of town. One boy from the junior high always entertained himself on the bus by making fun of everyone so it was inevitable that he should get around to making fun of me. He sat behind me one hot, sticky afternoon. Leaning over the seat he asked in a snide voice, in reference to my rather large nose, "Are you related to Pinocchio?" After a moment's hesitation to get over my surprise, I turned to him and calmly said, "Why, yes I am. He was my mother's great uncle's cousin's nephew. How ever did you guess that we were relatives?" Stunned, the boy clamped his mouth shut, sat down in his seat, and never said another word to me again.
Many people ask me how to deal with people like the boy on the bus, or how to teach their child to deal with such situations. Unfortunately, I don't have a magic solution to either of these questions. I do have a few words of advice. If people come up and ask questions, be open and answer their questions. Remember, it took a lot of guts on their part to ask, and by answering their questions you're helping to dispel the ignorance surrounding the unknown. If people are acting rude or staring, I do one of a couple of things. Often I just kind of smile at them and say hi. Sometimes they'll respond to my hi and move on. If they continue to stare, I'll just ignore them for the most part. Of course, if there is a really obnoxiously rude person, staring directly back at them usually makes them feel as uncomfortable as they're making you feel and they quit. If someone makes some rude comment, you could always take the path of Steve Martin in Roxanne. Here is the complete list (just for fun) of C.D. Bales' famous nose jokes given in response to a lame, but rude, comment about his rather large nose:
"Obvious: "Excuse me, is that your nose, or did a bus park on your face
Meteorological: "Everybody take cover, she's going to blow!"
Fashionable: "You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like Wyoming."
Personal: "Well, here we are, just the three of us."
Punctual: "All right Dellman, your nose was on time, but you were fifteen minutes late."
Envious: "Ooh, I wish I were you, to be able to smell your own ear."
Naughty: "Pardon me sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away."
Philosophical: "You know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's in it what matters."
Humorous: "Laugh and the world laughs with you; sneeze and it's good-bye Seattle."
Commercial: "Hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose fo Thirty-Nine Ninety-Five."
Polite: "Ah, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, ah, orchestra keeps changing tempo."
Melodic: (Everybody) "He's got the whole world.. in his nose."
Sympathetic: "Ooh, what happened, did your parents lose a bet with God?"
Complimentary: "You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on."
Scientific: "Say, does that thing there influence the tides?"
Obscure: "Hoo, I'd hate to see the grindstone."
Enquiry: "When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid?"
French: "Sir, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave."
Pornographic: "Finally, a man can satisfy two women at once."
Religious: "The Lord giveth, and he just kept on giving, didn't he?"
Disgusting: "Say, who mows your nose hair?"
Paranoid: "Keep that guy away from my cocaine."
Romantic: "It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee ... in Brazil."
Appreciative: "Ooh how original, most people have their teeth capped."
Dirty: "Your name wouldn't be ... Dick, would it?"
